The untapped potential of ASSvertising.
I know, I know, I KNOW—I'm a bit obsessed with turd cutters. However, ad placement-wise, the Ass is such an under-utilized medium.
Sure, there've been a handful of small-scale executions over the last few years. Back in August 2006, Georgi Vodka blew a wonderful ASSvertising chance. But there hasn't been anything that was like, WOW. With all the industry hubbub about the need to find "new" "spectacular" media placements that'll grab the TiVo-ing consumers' eyeballs, you'd think some big-ass advertiser would've effectively exploited buttocks by now. Shit, they've got no problem attaching their good names to the ass's by-product.
So, here's a few products that, in varying degrees of seriousness, would benefit greatly from ASSvetising:
• (duh) Jackass 3 (A nationwide army of fat, ugly, maybe bruised and bleeding men in tighty whities would be best here. Just need the movie's logo and premiere date. Think of the media coverage and the costs savings.)
• Imodium. (Brown logo and the new tagline "Stop It"—panties/briefs should be bright white, exceptionally clean)
• Oral-B® Dental Floss. (Here, the placement would be in semi-nude strip clubs—where the women disrobe down to thongs—across the nation. The dancers would sport temporary glow-in-the-dark tattoos—logo/product name on left cheek, "Cleans The Deepest Cracks" on the right. For both effect and needed surface space, best to use ladies with major badonkadonks.
• U.S. Dept. of Education—No Child Left Behind.
• Any brand of cheek stain (best for cosmetics trade shows)
• If you've got one, please leave it in the comments.
(Pictured: Back in 2004, women in white panties (and a couple of dudes in briefs) were used to promote a New York Health & Racquet Club class called "Booty Call" outside of Grand Central Station. Small potatoes.)
previously in Other Media:
1. Time Graffiti Billboard.
2. The Way $tarbuck$ $ee$ It.
3. The Trans Fat War Turns Childish.
4. Starbucks Salon: a Venti Hooey Latte.
5. Sperm Donor—America's finest part-time job.